


How to Irritate Your Brother in Five Minutes

by TalkMagically



Series: Murder Boyfriends [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Background Sabriel, Discussion Of Murder, Gen, background Michifer, discussion of body dumping, serial killer!au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-19
Updated: 2018-02-19
Packaged: 2019-03-21 11:56:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13740369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TalkMagically/pseuds/TalkMagically
Summary: Lucifer has finally returned home from dumping Gordon Walker's body.  Gabriel isn't too happy with his excuse for taking so long.





	How to Irritate Your Brother in Five Minutes

“You were supposed to be back three hours ago! What the fuck happened?!” Gabriel shrieked at Lucifer as Lucifer walked in the front door.

“Hello to you, too, darling,” Lucifer shot back sarcastically. He shrugged off his coat and tossed it into the front closet, not caring that it fell to the floor because he didn’t put it on a hanger.

“Don’t! Don’t you dare!” Gabriel scrambled up from his seat on the couch and approached Lucifer with a look of veiled fear and anger. “I thought you got caught! I was debating burning the house down to cover our asses!”

“Jesus, Gabriel, can you be any less of a drama queen?” Lucifer asked. He sighed and wandered deeper into the house. Gabriel was right that Lucifer was supposed to be home hours ago, and now Lucifer was starving because he had missed dinner.

“What happened?” Gabriel hissed at Lucifer’s back as he followed Lucifer into the kitchen.

“There was a small bump. Nothing major. It’s been dealt with,” Lucifer said. He wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to give all the details. If Gabriel was pissed because Lucifer was late, then Gabriel would be livid upon finding out that the District Attorney knew about them.

“What bump?”

Lucifer paused in front of the fridge, his hand on the handle, and took a breath as he considered how to answer Gabriel’s question. Lucifer loved his brother. He really did. But, sometimes, Gabriel’s temper caused more issues than it solved. Now was not the time to trigger Gabriel’s temper.

“There was another person at the dump site,  _ also _ planning on using it to dump a body,” Lucifer finally replied before opening the fridge. “I had to make sure we wouldn’t be reported.”

“So you killed the fucker. Nice,” Gabriel said with a sigh of relief.

“Not quite,” Lucifer said. He pulled out the tupperware of leftover spaghetti from the night before. “There would have been complications if this particular person died. But we’re safe. He had a dead body to dump, too, remember?”

“So we’re just gonna trust that this guy isn’t gonna report us? Why the hell are we doing that?” Gabriel asked, his voice turning tense again.

“Because, Gabriel,” Lucifer began. He removed the tupperware lid and tossed it into the microwave before turning to look Gabriel in the face. “The man I ran into out in the forest was Michael Shurley.”

“YOU RAN INTO THE DA?!” Gabriel’s shrieking tone returned, causing Lucifer to wince.

“The DA dumping a dead body is far more incriminating than a beat cop dumping a dead body. We’re  _ fine _ ,” Lucifer insisted.

“This is… We’re… What the… FUCK!” Gabriel ranted. He began pacing back and forth, running his hands through his hair. “The more people who know about us, the riskier this is, Lucifer. We gotta move.”

“Gabriel,” Lucifer said in an even tone. He waited until Gabriel was looking at him before continuing. “Shurley was dumping the body of Dick Roman. As in, Alastair Masters’ lawyer.  _ We’re fine _ .”

“Di… Dick Roman?” Gabriel whispered in shock, recognizing the name. Everyone in the city knew that name. There wasn’t a week that went by without that name popping up in the news as Michael Shurley continued to try and try to get Alastair Masters thrown in prison.

“Do I need to repeat myself again?” Lucifer asked. He walked back to the fridge and pulled a bottle of beer out to start drinking as he waited for his food to finish heating up.

“Okay. Fine. I agree. In this specific circumstance, we should be fine because Michael Shurley has been desperate to get Masters into prison and he’s not going to risk having a conviction thrown out because he killed Masters’ lawyer,” Gabriel relented. “But what the fuck are we to do? It’s still not a good idea to have other people know about us.”

“We… chatted… for a little while, and we came to an agreement. We’ll remain hands-off each other’s work,  _ but _ we’ll help each other out if needed for the sake of keeping our own asses safe. You and I get caught? He’ll get charges dropped. He and his own work partner get caught? I’ll make sure evidence mysteriously disappears. It’ll work,” Lucifer explained.

“So we’re going into business with the DA and his murder partner? Great. Just great,” Gabriel rambled. He grabbed a chair at the table and sat down, letting his head drop to his hands.

“Tell me I’m wrong about thinking that having the DA covering our asses is a good thing, Gabriel. Just tell me and we’ll start packing tonight,” Lucifer said over his shoulder as he pulled his food out of the microwave.

“No, you’re right. Of course you’re right,” Gabriel said, muffled by his hands covering his face.

“We’ll just take this new situation a day at a time and work from there, got it? No hasty decisions,” Lucifer said. He joined Gabriel at the kitchen table, but he stared at his brother for a few moments instead of digging into his food. “Look, Gabriel, if you don’t like the idea of working with the DA, then I’ll do all the work.”

“If you think I haven’t noticed the goddamn hickey on your neck, then you are the biggest idiot I’ve met,” Gabriel hissed, lifting his head away from his hands.

“No idea what you’re talking about,” Lucifer said with an innocent look on his face.

“Just tell me. Was this little arrangement planned before or after you jumped his bones? Because that explains why you were gone for so fucking long. Did you seriously pick up a guy  _ while dumping a body _ ?!” Gabriel scoffed.

“It was Michael Shurley!” Lucifer yelled in self defense, but he had to admit that it didn’t really help his case. “Besides, Michael made the first move. I just took advantage of the situation.”

“You got hit on by the DA while the two of you were busy dumping bodies, and you thought it was appropriate to bang him right then and there. Dear fucking God, Lucifer, you’re hopeless,” Gabriel groaned. He stood up and walked back into the living room. “You eat in there and think about what you’ve done!”

“I will and I will enjoy it!” Lucifer yelled after Gabriel.

“TOO MUCH INFORMATION!” Gabriel screeched back, pulling laughter out of Lucifer. Lucifer was probably going to pay for that comment with too many details about Gabriel’s sex life with Sam Winchester, but it’ll be worth it. 


End file.
